憑著愛,整個結局完全改寫

13-10-2014憑著愛﹐我們放下小我,成就大我:
憑著愛, 我們不再挑剔,更多讚美;
憑著愛,我們用溫柔的語氣;
整個結局完全改寫.

請閱Jenny的成長故事
Jenny Chan, DP 26 在 最近的<<生命教練工作坊>>上的分享

大家好！我係黎自DP26班嘅Jenny，從事會計嘅工作，係e度 我想同大家分享一下我入班前、後 嘅得著。

係入DP之前，由於我講野嘅方式，好多時都會令到其他人唔舒服，自己得罪左人都唔知。 同時，都令到我老公唔想同我傾計。我地從來都唔講早晨，佢一見到我就想掉頭走。不知不覺 我地之間嘅關系愈黎愈差，成日冷戰，我亦都好想離婚。 之後我參加左DP，發覺 原來我自己講野嘅方式 有好多地方都令人聽落唔舒服，先至會令到身邊嘅人遠離我。所以我決定 要係平時嘅生活入面改善。

就以我同我老公嘅事同大家分享一下。佢身體唔係咁好，腸胃好差，口氣亦都好大，成日都好容易傷風感冒。因為佢平時唔太中意飲水，所以我好想佢每日朝早都先飲杯水。以前嘅我就會話: 「唉！你嘅口好臭，飲杯水先啦」 你地估佢點應我？「你先口臭」跟住就唔睬我走左去。 自從入左DP之後，有一日我嘗試 轉個方式同佢講: 「老公，為左你自己身體著想，不如每朝都飲杯水先 好唔好呢?」 佢諗左一陣 就接受左我嘅提議。之後 起左好大嘅變化：我每朝早一起身見到他嘅時候，都會先同佢講聲「老公早晨」，跟住佢就會自動自覺去飲我倒好嘅檸檬水。

直到依家，我都堅持做 这件事，佢嘅傷風感冒少左好多, 同我傾計亦都多左。依家我學識左欣賞佢, 留意佢嘅優點：佢文書好好，亦都係一個唔會沖動、會尊重其他人意願、唔會強加於人、耐心聆听嘅表表者 等等。

一諗起ed事，我嘅內心就會好好多，我地之間冇再冷戰，亦都冇再諗 要同佢離婚。今日嘅我，內心比以前開心左好多，我發覺 原來只要我改變少少，就會令到我身邊嘅人同樣咁開心。 我係DP揾到我嘅人生價值, 我相信 當你地踏入DP後, 一樣可以得到你想要嘅人生價值, 令到生活更多姿多采、開心快樂。

所以我誠意邀請你地加入我地的大家庭---自在社。 多謝大家！

听了,看了Jenny的分享,令我翻查我2006年的文章

The Journey of Marriage (2006)

You married your boyfriend because you fell for him on the very first date; or because he gave you fulfillment, love, a sense of security and confidence; or simply because you admired his intelligence, gorgeous looks and his sense of humour. Whatever brought you together, after some time of married life, you may come to realize that marriage, in fact, is not as ideal and sweet as you had made it out to be. 

Disagreements gradually surface and develop into more serious arguments. This could be anything from choosing a piece of furniture to more important financial issue.

You might feel the relationship in your marriage is getting wobbly since you have sensed that he/she is no longer the person you once fell in love with - he has become too emotional, inconsiderate or uncommunicative. Is a break up inevitable? What would be the consequence of divorce? What would be its impact on the children? Would it be better to persevere in the hope of a new start? You’re in a real dilemma.

All this is not imaginary but happens frequently especially to a young couple once a new life comes to the family.

Having been married for a good number of years, I genuinely feel that marriage is a journey of continuously adapting to ever-changing conditions – for a marriage to succeed, both spouses need to compromise and grow up all the time. People change especially when experiencing ups and downs. Even our personalities and mentalities change with age and environment. Working pressures, differences in parenting, moving house, the loss of jobs, illness and the loss of family members occur. Many uncertainties and events may increase the strain on the relationship.

Conflicts are unavoidable. Try to talk potential problems over heart-to-heart and always develop and maintain regular communication.  Ignoring issues will make situations worse and the relationship may eventually become irretrievable/unsalvageable. 

Here are some suggestions on what to do when things start going wrong:

1. Listen to your partner and try to understand his/her point of view;

2. Discuss the problems thoroughly, calmly and objectively.

3. Avoid raking up old grievances.

    4. Consider different options until you can reach a satisfactory agreement.

I believe the more a couple communicative/communicates, the happier they will be. By way of communication, they learn to express intimate feelings like content and discontent, loves and hates in comfortable ways that facilitate respect and mutual understanding, rather than just to grumble or complain.

I’ve come to learn/understand that marriage is sharing, forgiving, compromising and growing with someone in the long run. When the dizzy passion and excitement start to fade, continue to treat your partner like your boyfriend or girlfriend instead of taking each other for granted. Valuing each other with respect and appreciation rather than just picking his/her up on daily mistakes/picking on their flaws. Seek comfort, reassurance. Be able to laugh about something that didn't go too well. All of these enable us to overcome adversity and make it possible for the relationship to grow organically.

As life is short and things change perpetually, we ought to treasure every single day no matter whether it is memorable or ordinary, joyful or dire.