A Taxi Driver’s Story

Date: 19-3-10


In a short journey by taxi to Central, to my surprise, the taxi driver started a conversation with me that I can’t forget – so much about his family. His story came to me as a complete revelation as it redefined happiness for modern people in the materialistic 21 century.

The driver is already over 70 years old. When he told me his age, I simply couldn’t believe it. His voice was as young as that of a man in his 40s and his response to the traffic conditions was just perfect. He is still agile both mentally and physically. But I guess he was in need of money for he was working at night, which was undoubtedly tough. However, I was soon to find out that the old man in front of me was not a poor retiree but a self-made millionaire. He used to be a sailor, a bus driver, a policeman and he already owned two flats in his twenties; now he is the owner of several flats rented out and a father with four children who are all independent with shining careers in different fields.

Unfortunately, with whole-life struggling for wealth, working day and night to raise the four children, the old parents’ return from some of their children was unbelievably cold. During this Chinese New Year, They didn’t send any greeting words home, let alone visit the two elderly parents or give them money regularly. Worse still, when this old driver was lying in a hospital due to an accident, his eldest daughter, who was working in the same hospital as a head nurse, didn’t take a look at him. I was shocked. “Ask her to watch Echoes of the Rainbow?” I instantly thought of the hot movie and advised him. “No use, nothing works!” he was in dismay. I thought it was probably like an iceberg for a long time between the two generations. The iceberg has been like invisible needles torturing him all the time.

What’s more, when the mother was suffering liver failure and desperately needing a donation from her daughter, she refused without a second thought. Fortunately his youngest son immediately came to the rescue by donating half of his liver to Mother. The driver was a bit relieved when talking about this son as if he was his last comfort zone. He was proud to tell me that the youngest was also a brilliant IT man. He was so filial a son that he had given the old father a supplementary Visa card as soon as he got a job after graduation.

At this moment, he was tearing up, speechless. But soon, he cheered himself up by turning to another topic, which surprised me as much. I was astounded to know that he was good at gambling! No matter which type it was, Mark Six, Horse racing or the casino, he claimed he would win money if he did his homework. He seemed to take his luck for granted. He considered driving a taxi as kind of killing time. Seemingly money was never an issue for him.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help resigning to his ‘unreasoning’ fate – “so what, we have assigned all of our property to them equally no matter how they treat me and Mother. It’s as if we own them.”

“What? Will you give your property to your unkind daughter?” I chased him up on this question eagerly. “Why not”? He said peacefully. Suddenly a flow of 'electric current' heated my body. From this great father, I suddenly realized what unconditional love meant

I was soon to arrive. I wanted to give my best wishes to him when I said “Thank you” to him wholeheartedly. I got out of the car, but my inner conversation with him was still going on. I was in empathy with the tough man in facing the broken relationship with his children. I had a deep feeling that no matter how rich in wealth and strong in character, he was a sad man to some extent. But he seemed to advise me to learn something from him: That’s life - don’t be too serious about it, take it easy. Then You will be more sustainable and happier in your life journey.

That night, I felt laden with his mixed feelings and mine – Saddened by his story? Or relieved to see his strength despite something breaking his heart and constantly hurting him? … A chain of questions twisted through my mind. But one thing is certain: as we are living in a world where it is a general belief that more money means more happiness, this real-life story reveals that true happiness is built out of a good understanding and a warm relationship within families.

A sense of enlightenment struck me – I am even more inclined to believe that family with love and understanding is the foundation of happiness.

I came to understand the old driver better suddenly: on one hand, the unwanted relationships with his children exasperate him; on the other hand, life has to go on. Being optimistic is always better than being pessimistic…

Yes, tomorrow is another day.

Best wishes, Mr. Driver.

Light-hearted but felt-hearted

Light-hearted but felt-hearted


2007

The bilingual stories in Chinese Reader’s Digest are usually my favourite part of the whole book. Despite being only two or three pages in length, every story has something in common: touching and introspective, giving food for thought.



Take Hidden Blessing as an example (December, 2007). Rosemarie Wolmarans, a nursery headmistress, depicts her contemplation behind her decision to accept a handicapped child, who had been rejected by many nursery schools because of his Perthe’s disease, in which his soft joints easily dislocated.



In his treatment, Christos had been wearing plaster casts with rigid a bar for a long period. His movement was restricted and he had to walk with a stiff gait like a robot.



When the headmistress first encountered the disease, she found a big boy sitting on a pushcart wearing splints pushed into her office. But he was going to start primary school the following year. His English was poor and he desperately needed to prepare for his formal education. His mother’s eyes were brimming with tears as this school was his last hope. Rosemarie pondered if the boy would be manageable in this school or, if the boy would cope with the difficulties of fitting in with a normal life with other children – especially when facing teasing. Or easily getting injured with broken legs…”Christos bright brown eyes gazed appealingly at her, silently urging her to ignore his trapped legs and help free his mind.” “If we turned him away as so many others had, what would become of him?”



Rapidly, Rosemarie came to a decision: Christos was given a two-week trial. What a big relief to the mother and the boy!



And the trial turned out to be a magic which changed the boy’s life.



Christos was an ingenious boy with a much more skilful body than expected - he managed to pull himself up the slide and adroitly sailed down to the end; he was excellent in singing and musical games - his clear Italian voice rose above the others; Rosemarie’s worries disappeared quickly when she found Christos was getting popular – the kids liked him and even vied with each other to help him on the swings and with his cart. At the end of the year, Christos had become fluent in English and one of the best in singing.



Soon after the nursery school life, all plasters were removed from Christos’ legs. He had been fully recovered. Unequivocally, Rosemarie was the first person to thank for this. While feeling so pleased when Christos and his mother visited her immediately after being discharged from hospital, Rosemarie was a bit ashamed of herself esp. for her initial reaction to Christos. She said Christos gave her and her school much more than what they had done for him.



‘He taught other children compassion, kindness, patience and love. He showed us how to persevere, how to be brave, happy and how to overcome adversity by a cheerful disposition and a positive attitude.’



Another message I got from this real story is that if we treat people with diseases and disability as you and me, their lives will be completely different. Thinking that there are still so many ‘Christos’ who have been deprived of education because of discrimination and poverty, I can’t help feeling sad but thankful to see Christos’ luck and the much more fruitful, healthy life a school brought to him.



It reminds me of the famous quote of Princess Diana: “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or TB but the feeling of being unwanted”





Another remarkable story that I like so much is ‘Think Small’ (November, 2007), written by a 14-year-old girl.



Patricia at age 9 was a surprisingly blessed girl, understanding, brimful of acting talent. Whenever her father came home from work at night, feeling completely exhausted, she was a bit uneasy. She didn’t like to see her father sitting silently, or being grumpy. Then, she would blab away amusingly in her own language or even follow her father, performing the funny acts she made up herself. She also entertained her father by acting as cartoon characters from Disney movies, making her father cry tears of mirth. At first, she was a bit scared that her father would scold her for her ‘irritation’ and ask her to leave. But her father’s smile relieved her tension, “Whenever you make Mama, Brother and me laugh, you make us feel a lot better and less tire,” he smiled down at her.



She was astonished by her father’s praise and still holds them in her heart.



While many people think BIG and try to make things different, she is thinking of small tricks to change the mood of her family, meanwhile making herself more comfortable. Incredibly, she changed the way they looked at things, changed the way they thought of life.



She realised that her small acts – making people laugh can help release stress and pressure. More magical things can happen if we have a pleasant working environment and pleasant families. People would love their families more and care more about others.



She reminds us that the most important thing we need to have is Family Love and a pleasurable life when coming back from a wearing working day.



Patricia is perfectly right – to make a difference, we don’t need to think BIG all the time. ‘Just drop our ugly frown, put on our best smile, go out into the cold, dark world and spread some light, warmth and love to those who need it.’



Perhaps, just a smiling greeting like ‘hello’ or ‘morning’, tiny help, or starting small talk with your neighbours you’ve never talked to would please and even comfort them unexpectedly. Sadly, this is not commonplace to many of us living in the metropolis, in the densely populated high-rise buildings.

Reflections on ‘KJ: Music and Life'

"Music & LIfe - KJ" Trailer

10-3-2010

“KJ: Music and Life” comes as a complete revelation to me as it is the first local documentary that reveals a child’s story candidly and channels us to understand our children and ourselves more. It reminds me how powerful our children’s inner world can be if we listen to them with care and love.

The 90-minute documentary, through an intimate interview and interweaved with beautiful, compelling symphonies, discloses a talented young musician’s growing-up phrases during his 11 and 17 respectively, in which a sensitive soul, a passionate young leader and an expressive teenager vividly presents his own attitude towards common social value system, his conflicts between his peers and family, and his struggle searching for the meaning of life.

As a parent of a teen, I believe KJ’s case is not unique, but a typical example of affluent Asia families. KJ himself is also not alone but quite representative of many adolescents.

KJ, the main character of the documentary, is a controversial figure in many ways to his audience as well as his peers and family. On the surface, he is arrogant, short-tempered, dominant in personality and stubborn to some extent like many geniuses and talented musicians. From his own point of view when he looks back, he admits he was very bad at presenting himself, hurting others’ feeling probably because of his immaturity and frustration and definitely need to improve. However with a child under pressure of competitions that he has not been actually enjoying for many years, we can empathize with his situation and understand why he says his childhood was destroyed by being crowned as a music prodigy.

KJ’s young life simply mirrors the life of many children in middle-class families in Hong Kong and Asia these days. From kindergartens to primary school, almost all children’s time is filled with hectic schedules that it is hoped this would accelerate their development to be more competitive with all-round abilities. When they get home, physically worn out, they still have to struggle with a heavy homework load, prepare for tests or complete projects to a deadline.

Clearly, they merely don’t really know what a carefree childhood is like by the time it has already come to the end. Although they are affluent enough, they are starved of mental care and communication.

Watching the real-child-life movie, I was wondering if our parents in the modern world really understand our children – whether we can spend time listening to them to find out their real interests and likes. We are only following the trend blindly and are pushed by this competitive society. Are we projecting our personal dreams on our children rather than letting our children live their own dreams? This will eventually bury our kids’ curiosity, creativity and talent.

Some think this film ends up with a tragedy when KJ doesn’t grow up as famous as people and especially his father expected. Their parents’ divorce is another negative impact on their children’s development. In my view, every child has his own process of growing up. KJ is gradually proving that despite his young age, his attitude toward success, money, fame, marriage - these big issues of life, is more sensible and significant compared with our adults’ traditional values.

In his view, to live only for fame and money is too superficial. That is why he prefers to choose a piece of music which is 2 minutes longer than required in an intra-school music competition. He believes winning a competition is never more vital than learning something and making a challenge of the competition process itself.

Through music, he has been pursuing the meaning of life since he was only a young boy: why is he playing the piano while many people are starving? Is that fair or is that fate? “If everyone knows music, there is no war,” he signs. I was overwhelmed by such an 11 year-old boy’s outlook on the world through his music life.

At the end, this young boy sadly but frankly reveals his heartbroken feelings about his parents’ divorce. Although we can see how damaging parents’ divorce to a young child’s soul and its impact to their future development esp. in personality and belief, I was relieved and surprised to see his strength and insight into this event: He said he has learnt many things in his life from the divorce: whatever he may be, a doctor or musician, a person is inhuman if he betrays his wife, and disrespects his family. KJ is advising parents that to be a responsible, honest husband and wife is the best thing of wellbeing one can give to their children. I believe this is also a compelling message our children can give to their parents.

The documentary also reveals a fact that an affluent life to children does not mean it will make them happy. Like every child, KJ needs parents’ understanding and encouragement rather than over-pressure, excessively high expectation. He is very sad when we found he has communication problems with his father. This film brings another strong message that growing up process involves improvement of communication skills for both parents and children. Parents should grow up simultaneously with children in order to understand and communicate with them, thereby giving them a happy family and childhood.

It is a great pleasure to see that after several years of confusion and struggling, the young musician has developed his own critical thinking system – music is not just music but par of his life. His dream is not to be successful in each competition but to be a real ‘human being’. He thinks it is not important who we are but what we are; as a human being, we should answer to our soul, be sincere to ourselves.

I watched it with my boy and my husband during the Chinese New Year and all of us were moved by its sheer honesty, frankness elements that we haven’t seen for a long time. We earnestly recommend parents with their teen children to watch the movie /DVD together because you will definitely discover something you have missed but essential from your children and yourselves.

I am grateful to KJ, his family and Director Cheung King Wai for presenting us such a wonderful journey via this thought-provoking and striking music documentary.

The most popular words in my view

The most popular words

The most selfish one-letter word
“I” - avoid it

The most satisfying two-letter word
“We” - use it

The most poisonous three-letter word and eight-letter word
“Ego” and “jealousy” - overcome them

The most sweet and bitter four-letter word

“Love” – experience it and value it

The most meaningful four-letter word
“Life” – cherish it

The most pleasing five-letter word
“Smile” - Keep it

The toughest seven-letter word
“Success” – achieve it

The most power nine-letter word
“Knowledge” – acquire it

The most valued ten-letter word
“Friendship” – treasure it