Tuesday, June 29, 2010

When you start to know how to ask questions…


When you start to know how to ask questions…

When you start to know how to ask questions…

Your life becomes different.

You start to be more interesting and be interested;

You start to think from different perspectives;

You start to learn and use critical thinking skills;

You start to clarify and identify problems;

You start to get search for insight of issues;

You start to be open-minded and while being level-headed;

You start to be more calm and peaceful;

Your start to sharpen your emotion control skill.

Asking questions will shape you

To be more creative and resourceful;

To be more self-assured but humble;

You create a channel for you/ your prospect for the futures:

There is more than one way to Rome by Thinking out of Box.

Coaching assists you

To find navigations, directions and goals of your own and others;

To empower people to live on goals with a full potential.

To be your own life coach,

Starting from learning how to ask questions.

Asking versus Telling: Main Benefits

1. Establishing rapport: don't try to impress people with your ideas, rather establish rapport and trust by eliciting ideas from them and thus expressing how much you care about them

2. Better listening, deeper understanding: all too often, while you are talking, your prospect is not listening but thinking about what he/she is going to say. When you ask questions, you make your prospect think in the direction you propose.

3. Higher motivation, better follow-up: the right answer will not be imposed by you, it will be found and owned by your prospect, who, thus, will be more motivated to follow it up


Everyone has power to solve their own poblems

Dr Chao Hua Shang’s workshop about life coach


Tonight, Eugene and I had another workshop called Life Coach organized by Dr Chao Hua Shang DP (Dream Possible), a non-profit community founded by Dr Chao.

What is coach?

In this workshop, Dr Chao introduced what coaching is about and why we need to be our own coach and how to coach others.








• 如何一針見血啟導對方,讓她/他真正醒悟?

• 如何在十秒鐘內令對方真正聆聽自己?

• 如何掌握到有效聯繫和發問的竅門?

• 如何創造成功的溝通:焦點不是自己表達什麼,而是對方收到什麼?

• 如何深層聆聽,確定對方真正的需要、期望和信念?

• 如何提昇自己的親和力和感染力?

• 如何讓自己迷失時,懂得找回出路和方向?

Although I learned some coach courses, this workshop gave me a much clearer picture about coaching: coaching is to assist people to find their navigations, their identities, their potentials, their goals and purpose of life; to empower them to practice on their goals on daily basis, to adjust their goals and finally to achieve their goals.

It is a growth up process beyond age limit.

Dr Chao’s belief:

Dr Chao believes that everyone should have built-in a potential and power to solve/resolve their own problems; everyone should have the awareness and responsibility to take care of their emotions.

With this belief, we can find our own potential to take responsibility to what we do, to find our own ability to solve problems and to face challenge ahead, and live a fulfilling life; staying happy is not a questions but a choice.

He thinks that most problems are not problems unless you think it is a problem.

Most problems are illusive, imaginary and even if it is a problem, it is usually exaggerated or magnified in one’s inert world even before it happens.

Why do we need coach or self-coach?

Everyone has blind points. It is not a problem unless we don’t want to realize our blind points.

How to find our own and other’s blind points:


Problems well identified are problems half solved.

But how to ask questions:

First, put down self and ego - the ‘small me’, which is driven by fear of outsider’s reactions to self, self-esteem; face, fame, looking good to others, the need to control and to be safe.

Second, don’t expect too much when doing coaching. High expectation will create tense, stress and pressure to the coach and the coached. Relaxation and enjoyment will give your more wisdom in assisting other to solve problems.

Third, to focus on the others’ issue instead your own esteem or your own perceptions or ideas - be a good listener; instead of giving answers, to inspire the person to find their own responsibility to the issues and own answers to their problems. How? Asking questions objectively and multi-dimensional so that exploration on finding answers will set one free from their own black-boxes, where one seems getting lost.

You can treat yourself as another you – a small self and /or big self when you coach yourself.

Forth, build a sensational conversation and connection with the prospect or coachee:

• Try to fully use eye contact and keep yourself at the same level with him/her to avoid creating distant feelings.

• Keep using the person’s name, nicked name but not surname when starting sentences.

• Keep observing, finding strengths, merits of coachee from any pieces of talks, praising constantly to rebuild the confidence of the coached person.

Keys to be a life coach (yourself or family or as a profession)

What DP coach impresses me most is its emphasis on more about coaches’ attitude in the introduction workshop: the quality of humanity, compassion, loves, caring is essential to be a good coach.

Dr Chao’s belief in people’s self-potential to heal their soul and repairing power is the most important part I learnt.

It is my dream t to be a good life coach, at least to be my own, my family and my friends’. I promise myself to take DP course ASAP because DP community gave me a sense of family, sharing and friendship. I like this atmosphere to learn growing up.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Commencement Day

Eugene was extremely lucky to have studied in three different international schools (Singapore, Canadian and English Foundation - South Island school.) with all excellent principles in the management. Due to his weak constitution, I had to deal with the school teachers and management for his lateness and absences quite a lot. All of the three schools' showed their utmost understanding to his situations and gave him great support and generous arrangement. Without their open-minded understanding, Eugene would not have his today, his improvement and memorable school life.

Principle Mr John Wary from the secondary SIS has impressed us with his extraordinarily approachable, humble and kind-hearted character. He is really a wonderful leader, teacher and as warm as the students' god father.

It will be his last school weeks in Hong Kong, to show our gratitude and best wish for Mr Wray and his family’s future and happiness, hereby I post his speech in the Commencement Day in my blog. It would be the best gift to Eugene, all Year 2010 students and the parents.

It is a speech which touches our hearts and inspire not only his students but parents that life is a venture, exploration and journey. One should live their full potential no matter how old you are…

Commencement speech 2010

By Mr John Wray

May I start by saying a big thank you to our guests for coming to this commencement ceremony this evening. This is an important occasion; a significant rite of passage for our students and to have you here to witness their graduation is special for us

Before I address you students, I would like to say a big thank you to your parents and families. Parents you have bought your children to this point . You have I’m sure loved and cherished, cared for and admonished and cajoled and worried and so much more and I’m sure that you are a little greyer as a result!

So this moment is as much your success and you should be as proud as these young people will be to have reached this point of successfully graduating from school. At school we are reliant on parents who are involved in their children’s education, who work in partnership with us and who support their children through the challenges and opportunities of school life. You have done these things in abundance and I thank you.

And as this is a commencement for me too I should add a big thank you to my family – and particularly my wife Gill, here tonight who has always given me her unstinting support and love when work has seemed at times overwhelming.

And now to the class of 2010.

Thank you for inviting me to be your guest speaker. I am humbled by your invitation. It means a great deal to me to be able to address the graduating class like this in my final year at SIS.


Tonight is a key point in your life’s journey, a rite of passage as I referred to it just a minute ago

A journey that superficially has seen you go from Kindergarten to primary school to secondary school. A journey that will see you go on to university or college or gap year or training and then into further study and the world of work.

However beyond this superficial level – your life’s journey has been a complex, sophisticated and a compelling story of challenge and endeavor.

It is a journey that has seen you grow from dependence to near independence, from being totally dependent babies to near independent adults – not forgetting of course the financial and emotional reliance on your family members during the next few university years.

It is a journey that has seen your skills and personal qualities honed and developed. I remember many of you as 10 or 11 year olds just finding your feet in the world, I remember the successes and some of the mistakes some of you made along the way, I remember the joys and the tears, the stresses and happiness of your careers at South island and I look at you now…… confident, self assured and multi skilled ready to begin to find your place in the world.

It is a journey that has seen you be increasingly sure of your core values.. being able to stand up for important things, act in principled ways and take action about things you know are right and important.

It is a journey that has seen you set, achieve and revise goals for yourself, at school, beyond school and increasingly in terms of your future adult life.

As I am many years older than you I am in the very privileged position of having realized some of my goals and dreams and some of them in the last nine years in Hong Kong:

• To have a wonderful family and friends

• To have two fantastic children – who most of you will know were adopted here in Hong Kong

• To be Principal of a great international school with outstanding students and staff

• To have travelled the world and marvelled at beautiful things, both human and natural

• To have a reasonably comfortable way of life that allows me not to worry unduly about money like so many people in the world.

So why, might you ask, as many of you have asked am I moving on? I have often described being Principal at SIS as being in heaven with such outstanding young people, great colleagues, supportive parents and being in Hong Kong one of the world’s most vibrant dynamic cities as being in a dream. It would be lovely to stay here for the next ten years and more but for me life is about new challenges and new adventures. As a young man I once saw a great poster with a quote that has stayed with me for life. It very simply says:

“Ships are safe in the harbour but that is not what ships are built for “

So I am moving on for a new adventure, a new challenge to go to Vancouver to be Head of an all through school. Like with all new ventures it means giving up certainty, success, and being comfortable and replacing it with uncertainty, risk and the need to rebuild/reestablish reputation and success. For some that may seem like madness but for me it is a necessary part of my life.

So this is a key moment for you in your life’s journey.

Many of you are leaving the familiar, the comfortable, the safety of your family, friends and your school. But do not hesitate or falter (hesitate) on this journey it is for now part of your destiny, part of your life’s journey and it is something that all of us have worked towards and prepared for, for at least the last seven years.

So…my final words.

Continue to strive for independence but never forget those who helped you and gave you this opportunity. You are the connected generation and with skype and facebook and much more there is now no excuse for not staying in touch with family, friends and schoolmates and maintaining lifelong friendships.

Continue to strive to develop all your skills to the highest level in a wide range of contexts. Do take risks, push yourself and do not fear failure it is often when we learn most

Strive to clarify but also challenge your core values and beliefs .. always look at a variety of perspectives and use your life experiences around the world to shape who you are and to help you make a positive difference in the world. It is your responsibility to contribute actively to your family to your community and to the world as a whole.

So class of 2010. we bid you farewell but not goodbye. Good luck in your final exams. Remember us and each other, come to visit and stay in touch. My very best wishes to you all.

Thanks Mr Way, what a great principle you are in our mind!

Friday, June 4, 2010

The principle's last words in the commencement day

Dear Gene,

Please remember your principle’s last lecture in the graduation ceremony on 27-4-2010:

While striking for independence,

Keep in touch with your classmates, school mates, teachers and friends.

They are your first wealth and your life property.

While you are growing up and become independent,

Dedicating your love and care to your family and friends and people in need,

They are your sources of happiness, wealth and strength.

With love,



Take It Easy

A philosophy of life

My tutule pet is the best example of 'taking it easy'. He seems to be cool-headed at any time.

Take it easy,

You will not be too frustrated when things are not going well;

Take it easy,

You will not be overexcited when things are going unexpected well;

Take it easy,

You will keep a cool headed and peaceful mind no matter how things are going on.

“Take it easy” is an attitude and a way of life.

Keep practice and you will find how it eventually changes your life,