Core emotion finding - some discovery for growing up

Last night we had the first section of Great Discovery Practice: discover what? To be aware of core emotions or discrete emotions as a human:( 人性的弱点)

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discrete_emotion_theory

Discrete emotion theory assumes that there are seven to ten core emotions and thousands of emotion related words which are all synonyms of these core emotions (Beck 2004). Depending on the theory the most well known core emotions are happiness, surprise, sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, and fear (Izard & Malatesta 1987). This theory states that these specific core emotions are biologically determined emotional responses whose expression and recognition is fundamentally the same for all individuals regardless of ethnic or cultural differences. For example, When someone heard his grandmother's death, he must react with sadness and regret. It shows that because of the same list of emotions people have, we tend to react in similar ways to each other.^[1] The theory also states that certain repetitive emotional experiences during childhood can develop traits and biases that will govern interpersonal relationships during adulthood.^[2] Some scholars believe that these emotions have evolved in us as a way for people, regardless of communication differences, to predict what other people are thinking and feeling (Beck 2004). It was a way for our ancestors to tell the difference between friend or foe, and has continued to serve the same function today.

Part 1:

 

I re-discovered my core emotion is guilty and insecure.

 

I always try to find reasons to excuse others, forgive others but seldom for self.

Usually people express anger, resentment or complaints easily as it is focused out; it is kind of blaming, criticize or abuse. This is only a surface iceberg. Underneath it can be:

insecurity, guilty, self-consciousness, fear, sadness, jealousy.... People who can find their own core emotion are already at the stage of transformation. Wah Shan said.

 

I suddenly realized  why I can forgive others doesn't improve the situation better or substantially.Whenever my family lose temper, although I have improved so much in control my temper (through detaching the person with the behavior, love and empathy) but I still I feel painful for them and frustrated for my inability make things better. I have to take time to adjust my own state so as to move forward. Now I realised it is normal to have emotion and I don't have to be feeling sorry for that. 

 

How to make the guilty to serve me in positive way:

 

First, accept we are human and we are not perfect, we are all one. I am not alone.

Second, try to think what impact the guilty to my life, happiness, health and quality of life: on the positive side, I can have high std to myself and look for improvement by learning and forgive others quickly. One the down side, I make self in down state, unhappy state no matter how short it is, as I blame myself not be good enough, feel worried for others and insecure.

Third, I have better choices by thinking out of box: 

Here is some creative ways to deal with challenges I love to us:

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties; they lighten your burdens and help you keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings your nervous system back into balance.

Playful communication broadens your emotional intelligence and helps you:

• Take hardships in stride. By allowing you to view your frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable you to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
• Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps you say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.
• Simultaneously relax and energize yourself. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes your body, which allows you to recharge and accomplish more.
• Become more creative. When you loosen up, you free yourself of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing you to get creative and see things in new ways.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htm

By improve communication skills: Use I messages and 3A, Zero limit ...

 

People who are mentally and emotionally healthy have:

• A sense of contentment.
• A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.
• The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.
• A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships.
• The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.
• A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.
• The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.
• Self-confidence and high self-esteem.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm

Part 2:

The other most important finding was  why I feel insecure sometimes: It might come from the childhood when Parents were away for a long time; And since the second month when SON was looked after by family... and the missing feel is still deeply buried in the subconscious mind of myself. That is why I tried my best to give love to my son and families, parents to make up the loss.

 

How to change:

 

By gratitude: in alignment with the love of the people around me, I will love myself more and love others more : To appreciate self and find the inner characters and quality to support self ( open-minded, forgiving, empathy, understanding and caring...) To love others more so that I will open my horizon  and find happiness through serving more others.

Now I determine to deliver my love to more, beyond my own family - a route to be happier, stronger and fulfilled.

GDP深造班將會令我們把DP精神和工具﹐完全活現在生活裡。我們會針對人性最重要的四種情緒﹐即憤怒﹑內疚﹑嫉妒﹑恐懼﹐深入而有系統地去面對並轉化。我們會深入地使用DP工具﹐譬如Be-Do-Have﹑我語句﹑陰影投射﹑冰山﹑觀想成果﹑從A到H的界限設定等等﹐去轉化這幾種核心情緒。我們也會介紹幾個轉化情緒的嶄新工具﹐讓大家有新的學習和體驗。

GDP深造班一共四課﹐每課都是有系統地針對一種情緒作深層轉化﹐是非常踏實和生活化的旅程﹐透過度身訂做的練習﹐讓參加者更深入﹑更有效在自己生活裡﹐去善用和發揮DP工具﹐享受恆久踏實的內在和諧﹑喜悅和愛。