22 4 2022
Compassion Therapy with Communication Skill
Christine,
今天你可以在和先生出現衝突后，情緒雖沒有完全平復，仍然可以有能量來進行這次的section，我感到非常非常欣慰和感動，感恩。你做的非常棒！以前，可能會cancel，説明你有進步了！
整個2小時，你真的好接納自己的不完美和各種情緒 - 内疚，焦慮，憤怒，和自卑，沒有安全感的狀態，這是你有情緒的時候的自己，不是你的全部，你彰顯出勇敢面對自己的脆弱，分享自己的darkside，從中讓我和你自己都看到很多美麗和愛。
我記得一句話：
When we have a broken heart, our cracks let light in to our heart。
Let our Godden Shadow lightens up our Dark shadow.
你和先生，有許多共同點：
1 深深愛著對方，這個愛出於大家超過35年的瞭解，關懷和愛。處於大家的包容和理解，出於對家庭的愛，孩子的愛，才能不離不棄，經歷無數的風風雨雨，大大小小的的衝突，珍惜，再珍惜。
2 你可以回家照顧孩子，放棄自己的事業，令他有安全感，在工作上盡情發揮，你已經做的很好，三個孩子已經成人，真的不容易，因爲你的traumatic childhood，你必須overcome好多内心的矛盾和情緒，尋求心理輔導，你沒有停止學習，提升。你先生也看到你確實在進步、完善自己，所以他在背後默默長期支持你，我看到你們都有好大的動力，去維持這段關係。
3 你做 trading，也是爲了這個家，爲了先生可以早退休...,, 爲了自己可以鬆動些，爲了孩子的將來，也爲你有多些自由，不想用先生的錢。
先生擔心，也是爲了這個家，爲了你不要太大壓力和情緒不安，一切都是愛！
4 先生不喜歡你和男士學習做trading，這就無疑表態：他是如此緊張你，愛你，怕失去你。
你不喜歡他和女士去cycling，這也表明你是多麽愛他，而你的方式有些過火，説出對他hurt的話 - 分手等，其實，背後都是太愛對方！但愛不等於一切，愛變成傷害，這種帶有毒性的愛，很不值得的，但可以糾正的。用你的行動！
5 教會的熏陶，令你們都有不少共同的價值觀和以家庭爲重的理念
我們也看到大家的差異
價值觀：：對獲得金錢的方法，對風險管理可以接受的安全度...
他是保守型，對於任何風險的，會有焦慮
你是完美型，目標性高的人，一方面夠膽嘗試，另一方面，因爲自己還是容易緊張，擔心和焦慮，（ 還沒有做到心甘情願，得之不喜，失之不憂，意識上知道，潛意識上還需要大力去建立這樣的人生態度）這是你繼續要衝破的關口，也是令先生擔心的問題，他擔心你的身體不能承受如此大的壓力，給家庭帶來情緒不穩定狀態，也是他自己沒有安全感的投射。他也需要安全感和愛，可能比你還大！只是不懂表達，用了其他方法，令你未必明白和接納，現在，你會慢慢明白他多一些了。
於是，大家都有愛，以大局爲重，你看到賺少些，沒有那麽大的壓力，也可以給先生一定的安心更爲重要。於是，你可以做些什麽？
寫信給他，message給他，表達自己的能力，動機，也表達你明白了他的動機和心態，他的性格和價值觀的差異。
最重要是讓他放心，説出自己也有的錯，衝突中有過火，自己承擔，以後盡量避免。
相信他會學到什麽是直接表達，不帶情緒，他會慢慢學到和你分享，坦誠分享他面對的巨大挑戰和壓力。甚至和你道歉，説出他自己也會犯錯，語氣不好....
我建議你可以用：
零極限的方法，具體表達對衝突的看法。衝突不是問題，如何看待衝突處理衝突，是生命的功課。改變就在其中！
最後，我聽到你對先生的贊美：
35年有多,大家在一起,他不離不棄，高度包容和忍耐...
你看到自己以前不懂如何愛自己，投射很多自己沒有美好的童年的失落感，愛的匱乏感，甚至有憤怒和自卑感，内疚感...那是以前的自己，今天，你已經改變了，但允許自己還會有情緒，允許自己不完美，於是，你會平靜、客觀的看待自己，看待別人也會有焦慮 ...也需要安全感...
你由心看到自己的勇敢面對，接納自己，爲自己的生命負責任的態度，這是你的最美麗的特質，讓我看到一個更有能量去改寫生命，和先生team up， 共同走下去的Christine
愛和幸福是你們共同追求的，就去繼續追吧~
[17:54, 4/22/2022] Christine再見情緒創傷: As nice as my husband he doesn't share his heart with me. If I ask he will disclose some but he keeps to himself. Is it because he doesn't trust me or is it just who he is
My feedback：
you know his character, 脾性
is this his habitual behavior or just sometimes he has such situations.?
For men as far as I know, many may not like to share their career , jobs difficulties and they like to keep to themselves.
They don't want you to worry or to let them in tense. They need to learn how to reduce pressure.
I think he has his way to relax, but need more at home, to learn how to communicate. That is his work 功課。
All we can do is to change ourselves so that they will be inspired.
Or they also need to fnd therapists or mental health services in case they need.
[17:55, 4/22/2022] Christine再見情緒創傷: He doesn't try to understand why I did what I did. That is what I needed. I have unmet needs and they come out asking to be met in unhealthy ways
[17:56, 4/22/2022] Christine再見情緒創傷: Like I want to have money so I can get support. He looks at it like 我發錢寒
[17:57, 4/22/2022] Christine再見情緒創傷: I feel lack so much and he is frugal. He reacted to my wanting to spend money to get help as 亂駛錢
[18:07, 4/22/2022] Christine再見情緒創傷: He has never said oh you are working so hard and making so much progress. It is always some anxiety of something I need to work on more. I know he is not mean spirited but it adds to my 自卑感
[20:38, 4/22/2022] Christine再見情緒創傷: I know I can't change anyone but myself but it is a nagging thought that I am not good enough for him
[21:07, 4/22/2022] Donna Wong: yes, you have said so for all in the section. The keys are how to let him understand you better.
Please recall our discussion content and ponder about.
You can, yes, you can focus more on his positive intentions and yours as well, probably delivering your messages...
Please try or maybe later when u are less upset
[21:25, 4/22/2022] Donna Wong: my son has huge pressure as many young people in HK, seriously depressed generation. He doesn't like to directly share his issues but shares lots about media against power authority. Then I can understand him indirectly.
So you can know Dan as the same way as Ben. It's up to them to share or not. You can be ready to their listener.
[24:01, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: during today section， you could feel that whenever emotion comes, there is a inner voice in your mind: I am not good enough. A kind of shame and guilt is there. We can do more next time. It is definitely long term work but you can make it if you want. And you can!
[24:02, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: Here is a story i watched yesterday, i was tearful
[24:05, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: 360秒人生課堂 - 戴耀明, 做自己的人生主角 https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2022/04/360.html
self esteem building
戴耀明20年的演演藝生涯，甜酸苦辣都嘗儘，
他是如何刻服別人的白眼和bully？如
何建立自己的自我價值？
如何鍥而不捨，追求自己的夢想？
他的人生故事，啓發我，
每個人都有自己的舞臺
都有能力做好自己的人生主角
又一個感人肺腑的生命故事
Me , the same.
——
[13:50, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: Added to the summary 昨天的section，你講到先生讓你掌管財務大權，這是我看到個案中不多的，表示她對你的信任度好大，你們之間的愛，好深厚，但也有好多價值觀的分歧，這是不可避免，需要compromise和溝通。這也是爲什麽你那麽重視溝通的學習。爲自己健康，也爲家庭和孩子。
[13:56, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: 沒有永遠的夫妻，只有一起成長的伴侶。婚姻就是修行，享受對方的好，也要接納對方缺陷。無條件的愛這個課題，我們上上次我們深入討論過，中心内容，就是做自己的内在理想的父母，和孩子一起成長，Dan内在也有小孩子，有自己的脾氣和不完美。你的成長，對他影響深遠。
[11:00, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: 我想起這句話：
The change that occur when you sit inside your pain - it's a reflationary.
What happens over time is this: You wake up one day and realize that you have put yourself back together completely differently.
[11:02, 4/23/2022] Donna Wong: We are all the same, to be complete , the perfect journey is on the way to be be perfect
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