Records of Dr. Chau Hua Shang's talk and my reflections
17-3-2012
Dr Hua Shan says:
Here is what I have learnt and reflected:
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17-3-2012
化"衝突為財富"工作坊
Dr Hua Shan says:
生命最荒謬絕倫之處﹐就是每個人都按自己的獨特方式看事情﹐同時又期望身邊的人﹐完全認同並且按照我的方式處事﹐否則就是不合理﹑不正常﹑不理智。當我們每個人都堅持己見﹐放大「我」和「我的」﹐自以為是地要求對方完全跟從我的想法﹐難怪人與人之間不時發生爭執甚至衝突。
每個人都曾面對衝突﹐如何化解是重要的藝術。處理不善﹐會即時破壞甚至摧毀關係﹐創造雙輸的困局。有些人則為了避免衝突而委屈自己﹑討好別人﹐結果長期壓抑自己內心的感受和需要﹐整個人變得萎縮和乏力。如何化解分歧和衝突﹐是生命的重要課題。這是個非常實用的工作坊裡﹐讓我們學習到﹕
1﹑如何清晰地說不﹐讓對方尊重我的需要﹐同時一起創造雙贏﹖
2﹑如何在面對衝突時﹐讓對方即時放下憤怒﹐聆聽到我的聲音﹖
3﹑如何在衝突發生前﹐化解分歧﹐讓彼此和而不同﹑融洽共處﹖
4﹑如何在衝突發生後﹐即時妥善處理﹐並扭轉乾坤﹑反敗為勝﹖
5﹑如果有效指正對方﹐讓他心悅誠服放下自我﹑真誠虛心聆聽﹖
6﹑ 如何有效支持家人﹑朋友和下屬去妥善處理已經發生的衝突﹖
7﹑如何化衝突為財富﹐讓身邊暴烈和操控的人﹐也能輕鬆自在﹖
2﹑如何在面對衝突時﹐讓對方即時放下憤怒﹐聆聽到我的聲音﹖
3﹑如何在衝突發生前﹐化解分歧﹐讓彼此和而不同﹑融洽共處﹖
4﹑如何在衝突發生後﹐即時妥善處理﹐並扭轉乾坤﹑反敗為勝﹖
5﹑如果有效指正對方﹐讓他心悅誠服放下自我﹑真誠虛心聆聽﹖
6﹑ 如何有效支持家人﹑朋友和下屬去妥善處理已經發生的衝突﹖
7﹑如何化衝突為財富﹐讓身邊暴烈和操控的人﹐也能輕鬆自在﹖
Here is what I have learnt and reflected:
The most ridiculous thing is human tend to project their own perceptions or thinking system to others. But many so called “facts” are imaginary; different people see things in different points of views and get different conclusions or “facts.” If we know this, we don’t need to be upset/maddened if others don’t agree with us.
The film THE GOD OF CARNAGE proves a small issue can turn into a disaster in relationships.
How to resolve conflict in a constructive/win-win approach:
1将我变成他/她
Put your feet in others' shoes If I was him/her, what could I think, do or reflect? The things will be completely different. Put down self-ego and listen to others, and then reflect; don’t response with hurting words without thinking the consequence.
将我变成他/她
Put your feet in others' shoes
If I was him/her, what could I think, do or reflect? The things will be completely different. Put down self-ego and listen to others, and then reflect; don’t response with hurting words without thinking the consequence.
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真诚/具体感谢( 如面对别人的指责/批评/投诉: 首先多谢他背后的正向动机)
If we really think from others’ point of view, understanding and appreciation will be generated from the bottom of your hearts.
当一个人发现其优点被认同，他的表现将完全不同。
If it is my fault, I will take full responsibility. Give promise.
Create a picture of win-win and mutual benefit – love and caring and happiness is the ultimate ground we are standing on. Speaking out your visions /dreams from the best benefit of both.
当一个人有安全感，被尊重，被爱，人们就可以互相分享。
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Share what you want to tell the others to improve - your feelings about him/her but don’t use subjective way. Asking for response and understanding. "What do you feel?" Or what’s you view？ (AVOID HURTING WORDS）
不要把自己的感受看为唯一的真相(没有真相,只由想象)
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