[12:00, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: great 👍 you have done it. We had a wonderful exploration and self refection
[12:05, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: some things you can do
1
please share your learning from other media so that I know your thinking, progress...
2
Please send some family photos to the groups so that we have more perceptual understanding sensibility感性上認識
[12:05, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: I will send my family photos as well.
[12:05, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: Pheabe will as well
[12:08, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 3
please read this article again. The better you know our subconscious mind mechanism, also your husband and Ben know it, the better communication with Love ❤️ to be seen
[12:12, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 4
next time, if Ben asks for your attention, please be soft, warm and nice a little bit. You just do it for a breakthrough of yourself. 讓他感受他童年失去的❤，他的潛意識早已用行動說出他的渴望，他想和你，和爸爸有情感連結，用他喜歡的方式。
[12:23, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 5
please turn off Tel during sleep. Don't read any messages during the sleeping time. It will seriously affect your sleep hormone like melatonin ...
This is better to put your routine plan about
Habit change.
[12:37, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 6
Find any harmful habit you desperately want to sabotage. Please put into habit change categories in the routine plan.
You have done excellent job! I have to say that every time I see you, I find you are making micro changes, form subconscious to conscious.
1
In communication: you can think over and make a different approach to Ben and listen to his point of view in a more calm , patient way, despite you are still feeling repressed, uncomfortable sometimes as y. That is why you are improving.
2
You know your helping mindset has your onw emotions , belief and attitude to life, that may not let people feel your love but some limiting states like guilt, shame, anger , insecurity and insufficient love and over perfectionism...
That is the AWRENESS
THEN today we also discussed we have choice.
open mind to get information from your kids
be nicer to kids and be nicer to yourself
think over the articles and if we use conditional love, the vicious cycle is just running and will damage our children and self repeatedly.
... you name it.
Ill helping mind is conditional love, somewhat from our original family enclosed communication model!
We really need to get rid of it in our life. Slowly, be patient to ourselves, be nice to ourselves, Our kids can feel it and give their love with the same way to themselves and to our parents.
Ben, good boy, sensitive boy, he can have his life to excel his talent and dreams. Our parents the only thing to do is to fully support him to develop his identity, self esteem and potential, creativity, without judgments, and discourage....
Next time, please ask him his dreams and gradually he can tell you no matter big or small. I will practice with you later how in a more comfortable way.
Also practice how to have some conversations which other really like but you don't like much. From them, you get more understanding from each others, And get your ideas across, both can.
[13:21, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 帶著條件和期望去付出
孩子感受的可能是壓力和交換，
是限制，有情緒和雜念。
家庭，夫妻、伴侶關係也一樣，
涉及情感勒索，
就完全沒有愛的感覺了。
以下好文章，透徹地導出了
什麽是有條件的愛和後果；
如何在衝突中仍可以送給別人無條件的愛？
如何做到真正的去愛？
讓別人感受到愛？學到愛？
愛的心甘情願，沒有委屈，也不傷害別人？https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2022/03/blog-post_24.html
[13:24, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 韓國朋友給我的一課： https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2021/07/blog-post_16.html including all we just discussed, Five love languages and beyond. Enjoy reading it and waiting for your feedback
[13:28, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: Slowly everyday you can read some and no hurry. But consistently. This is your mental exercise in your routine plan. Your routine plan has already started from the first day you found us. Give yourself big applause. Self affirmation, every day
[12:00, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: great 👍 you have done it. We had a wonderful exploration and self refection
[12:05, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: some things you can do
1
please share your learning from other media so that I know your thinking, progress...
2
Please send some family photos to the groups so that we have more perceptual understanding sensibility感性上認識
[12:05, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: I will send my family photos as well.
[12:05, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: Pheabe will as well
[12:08, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 3
please read this article again. The better you know our subconscious mind mechanism, also your husband and Ben know it, the better communication with Love ❤️ to be seen
[12:12, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 4
next time, if Ben asks for your attention, please be soft, warm and nice a little bit. You just do it for a breakthrough of yourself. 讓他感受他童年失去的❤，他的潛意識早已用行動說出他的渴望，他想和你，和爸爸有情感連結，用他喜歡的方式。
[12:23, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 5
please turn off Tel during sleep. Don't read any messages during the sleeping time. It will seriously affect your sleep hormone like melatonin ...
This is better to put your routine plan about
Habit change.
[12:37, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: 6
Find any harmful habit you desperately want to sabotage. Please put into habit change categories in the routine plan.
Summary:
[13:14, 3/30/2022] Donna Wong: You have done excellent job! I have to say that every time I see you, I find you are making micro and different changes, form subconscious to conscious. We also cover :
1
In communication: you can think over and make a different approach to Ben and listen to his point of view in a more calm , patient way, despite you are still feeling repressed, uncomfortable sometimes as y. That is why you are improving.
2
You know your helping mindset has your onw emotions , belief and attitude to life, that may not let people feel your love but some limiting states like guilt, shame, anger , insecurity and insufficient love and over perfectionism...
That is the AWRENESS
THEN today we also discussed we have choice.
open mind to get information from your kids
be nicer to kids and be nicer to yourself
think over the articles and if we use conditional love, the vicious cycle is just running and will damage our children and self repeatedly.
... you name it.
Ill helping mind is conditional love, somewhat from our original family enclosed communication model!
We really need to get rid of it in our life. Slowly, be patient to ourselves, be nice to ourselves, Our kids can feel it and give their love with the same way to themselves and to our parents.
Ben, good boy, sensitive boy, he can have his life to excel his talent and dreams. Our parents the only thing to do is to fully support him to develop his identity, self esteem and potential, creativity, without judgments, and discourage....
Next time, please ask him his dreams and gradually he can tell you no matter big or small. I will practice with you later how in a more comfortable way.
Also practice how to have some conversations which other really like but you don't like much or whatever. From them, you get more understanding from each others, And get your ideas across, both can.
3
Praise therapy at the beginning. We went through this process. You got lots of reflection from your son to your husband and yourself. Please keep doing with reference to 我的價值誰來決定？（ Praise Therapy 3) https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2022/03/praise-therapy-3.html
4 Guilt healing: You have mentioned again about your guilt when you read the articles about the unconditional love. Yes, love with conditions is one of the rooted causes of insecurity, confidence and blaming, bad relationship with parents... in the long term impact.
I said, guilt to some extent , it is helpful for creating positive reflection, self improvement, also protect your from being further hurt by your dad or teachers in your younger time. That is the past. Now that feelings overwhelmed in presence still, that is not wise.
Take time to heal.
I used to be a very guilty mom. I cried whenever I shared my story of my mistakes. I felt extremely sorry for my son.
Even now I can see how bad impact to our son. Take whole life to heal himself and myself. That is why I must become my own therapiest.
I said to my son:
I am sorry to you. The only thing I can do is not to repeat the mistakes by giving your support as far as I can.
I hoped to learn to have a better communicator so that the relationship with your dad and you will be better. Now my relationship with them have been much better.
It will not go back - As I am on the way to be much more wholeness healer to myself and others .
My belief is:
Although we cannot change the past, we can change our presence and create a better future.
Hopefully my sharing will make the topic Guilt release more clear, helpful for you in supporting Ben's future.
今天我們學習的重點：當我們帶著條件去愛，帶來限制性的信念和態度去愛，會帶來什麽後果，也是我們童年陰影的源頭，窮一身去治療這些童年陰影。我們現代的家長，需要好留意，否則會給後代循環性創傷問題，原生家庭的問題就會一代傳一代。所以title：用一生去治愈童年， 就是這個意思。你問我要多久可以走出來，真的可以是一生的功課，我們要學習的就是做自我療愈，陪伴自己，走過人生高高低低，接納自己的一切 ，（ 便有能力聆聽和接納別人） 身心安頓去面對每一個生命的過程。這個過程真的不簡單，不可以是短時間可以完成，那是完美主義的極端位。爲什麽這麽説？因爲我的個案從小孩子到80 90 嵗，問題都可以好類似，self esteem issues and how to see fear. 來到人生每一個階段，都有好多不懂，要學，同時不多不少也會暴露出一生中纍計的創傷導致的問題，影響我們人生的每一個階段的決定和幸福。但有的人可以早些有心理準備去面對，有的人選擇逃避，所以就算如何修行，都有好多要學習，每個人都要面對生老病死，又是一個新的課題，最大的挑戰。共勉。
C
Donna it is in my depth that I can reach my son isn't it?
D
you are gradually getting touch with his inner world, his inner child when u have high empathy and understanding , better communication approach. You are getting better and better. Yesterday talk we had lots of this topic and u was rather in it
C
I had an exchange today with Benjamin. He was telling me how hard it is to learn a new language at his age. I told him his dad leaned Cantonese at 19 and is now very proficient and that there are studies done to indicate we only use 5% of our brains. He said there is no way you can proof and that is stupid I would say something like that. Before I would go to how disrespectful he was and that he hadn't look at the studies. Now I said," you can't imagine anyone can make that kind of claim. It makes no sense to you. You have a different way of looking at it. Tell me more about what you think." I can tell it really disarms him and then he went on to say what he thought.
D
[10:37, 3/31/2022] Donna Wong: he has his reasons to say that probably to protect himself, or to say his own difficulty that you need to understand. What you say is a general potential of human being. All make sense
[10:38, 3/31/2022] Donna Wong: My son is similar to him. He reminds me to be human and to see him as an individual , True, he can have his talent but not in language or something but on other things probably
[10:39, 3/31/2022] Donna Wong: he has his own talent ...
[10:41, 3/31/2022] Donna Wong: that is why i found i need to be very careful , not to do comparison in not proper time. Your husband is very talent and he learned it to show how he loves you, he want to know you netter
D
keep going, looks he really consider you, Mom , as his great friend. Treasure this chance , cherish his trust. Trust intention is key. To receive intention rather than the surface behavior
"You have a different way of looking at it. Tell me more about what you think." This is your golden quote I love soo much. Exactly, we can use this way to treat difference as normal and to respect each other in a sincere way. so that we can listen to others'' heart truly. in return, to understand ourselves better, to see wisdom behind vulnerability. It works!
How to release guilt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-QVh0qbFe0
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